2011 Personal Theme

For the third year in a row, I’ve chosen a theme for myself. I pray over the ideas I have, and choose one that I hope will help me through every season of the year, no matter what I encounter. In 2009, I chose “Do It Now,” because I felt I had a serious problem procrastinating. In 2010, I chose “Keep Moving Forward,” because my Anxiety and sometimes Depression would get the best of me, but I found if I could make myself move at all, on any little task, it helped some. For 2011, I choose…
drumroll…

“Be Who You ARE.” (emphasis intentional)

I suppose its a little cliché to be turning 30 this year and be in the process of “finding myself” and putting far less value on what other people think, but I guess that’s just it. I’m a normal woman having pretty normal experiences for my age and marital status…and I’m happy about that. I am discovering that (despite most advertisements targeted to my demographic) I AM already what I’ve looked forward to being for most of my life previous.

Truly, “enduring to the end” entails more than I can imagine. Especially considering that, for right now, I’m working with all I have to endure the present moments. I believe the details of personal improvement are what really makes up the “endurement to the end-ness.” (yes, that's an Angela-ism)

Some of those improvements are non-voluntary. I fully expect the Lord to provide circumstances for my refinement. However, I find that as I pray for such circumstances, I’m a total coward. I have prayers that might go something like this, “Please remind me to be more grateful for thy blessings to me…but don’t go about it by some personal disaster like our house burning down, or a total government collapse, or anything like that.” Or, “Please help me know how I can relieve others of their burdens…but don’t make me have to give away all our savings money…not because I can’t do it, mostly because I don’t want to explain to my husband why we should do it. Maybe if you choose that trial for me, you could please send an angel to tell him the same thing? I mean, you did it for Joseph and Mary…”

Some self-improvements are voluntary. Using agency in such a way is like steroids for your spiritual strength. I think that’s what most people choose to do by writing resolutions at New Year’s time. It’s important to set specific goals.

I want to note, quite strongly, that a quest for self-improvement is in itself a very selfish activity. If it’s allowed to take priority in our lives, we will find ourselves suffering from the self-inflicted wounds to our spirit of vanity and lack of charity.

With “Be Who You ARE,” I hope to make sure I include plenty of other people in this goal. If I can thoroughly convince myself of what I now believe to be a pure TRUTH: I AM, right now, valuable and worthy of glory; If I can convince myself of that, I believe I will fade into the background in my own life, and have all the energy I ever hoped for left for serving others. Not only that, I’ve noticed that when I am near others who believe this TRUTH about themselves, it liberates me to do the same. I hope to liberate others from the LUDICROUS amount of self-loathing I see in too many (meaning almost all) people.

Some of you might be thinking “Beware of Pride.” I agree that we have to keep ourselves in check, but I also believe that dwelling on the fear of pride is a very degrading tool of the devil, and I intend to find ways to avoid it. The main part of this is to conquer my own thoughts. This seems overwhelming and impossible, to be honest. Mostly because I have allowed for YEARS the flaxen cords that are lies about my self-worth to be wrapped around my brain. It could take YEARS to undo them, but I’m worth the fight. I recognize that giving myself years to correct this gives me a potential excuse for laziness to creep in. I’ll have to fight that, too, but I’m worth it.

I realize that publishing these statements may be seen as a welcome challenge by the adversary of Man (seeming mis-capitalizations are intentional). But I would remind us all that “They that are with us are MORE than they that are against us!” I hereby declare war on self-degrading thoughts! Here is a song that pumps me up for the fight of life:
1. Behold! A royal army,
With banner, sword, and shield,
Is marching forth to conquer
On life’s great battlefield.
Its ranks are filled with soldiers,
United, bold, and strong,
Who follow their Commander
And sing their joyful song:
[Chorus]
Victory, victory,
Thru him that redeemed us!
Victory, victory,
Thru Jesus Christ, our Lord!
Victory, victory, victory,
Thru Jesus Christ, our Lord!
2. And now the foe advancing,
That valiant host assails,
And yet they never falter;
Their courage never fails.
Their Leader calls, “Be faithful!”
They pass the word along;
They see his signal flashing
And shout their joyful song:
3. Oh, when the war is ended,
When strife and conflicts cease,
When all are safely gathered
Within the vale of peace,
Before the King eternal,
That vast and mighty throng
Shall praise his name forever,
And this shall be their song:
Text: Fanny J. Crosby, 1820–1915
Music: Adam Geibel, 1855–1933
LDS Hymnbook #251

“As it has been since the beginning, the adversary [satan] would divide us, break us up, and if he can, destroy us. But the Lord said, ‘Lift up your hearts and rejoice, and ... take upon you my whole armor, that ye may be able to withstand the evil day, ... taking the shield of faith wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked.” (D&C 27:15, 17)

“We were dressed in our home each morning, not only with hats and raincoats and boots to protect us from physical storm, but even more carefully our parents dressed us each day in the armor of God. As we would kneel in family prayer and listen to our father, a bearer of the priesthood, pour out his soul to the Lord for the protection of his family against the fiery darts of the wicked, one more layer was added to our shield of faith. While our shield was being made strong, theirs was always available, for they were available and we knew it.”
L. Tom Perry, Ensign, May 1974 © 2007 Intellectual Reserve, Inc. All rights reserved.

Shields protect us from outside danger, I aim to turn my shield 180 degrees, and protect myself from attacking me.

All the water in the world, no matter how it tried,
Could never, never sink a ship---unless it got inside.
All the evil in the world---the blackest kind of sin;
Could never hurt you one least bit---unless you let it in!

I might just end up using some of this post for a future lesson in Relief Society!